he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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