i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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