11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
