When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
