Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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