dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
