I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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