I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize