Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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