I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
