Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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