Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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