i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
