Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
