Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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