So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i have herpe
just one?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
