no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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