My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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