I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
