my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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