Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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