we have officially lost it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
