come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize