when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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