were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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