Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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