The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
