I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
