where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
