I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
