I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
