$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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