Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
