When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i came on her dog
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
