I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
