Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
