you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
