we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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