god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
