Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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