Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
