wanna go halves on a baby?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
