Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
