I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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