guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
