I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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