I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
