dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
