Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize