he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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