Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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