OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
