yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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