There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
