WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
