Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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