Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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