I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
