we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
