Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
