are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize