i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
