One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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