My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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