If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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