haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
