I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
