so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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